drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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