We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
