You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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