i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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