I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize