I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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