Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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