and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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