I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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