well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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