I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
