My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
