the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
