at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you had me at cake vodka
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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