Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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