Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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