New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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