I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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