I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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