Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
