Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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