I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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