god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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