i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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