1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
