where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my being single is dangerous.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize