I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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