if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
