just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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