These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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