I will die if light touches me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
