he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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