Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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