Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
