You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
