I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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