3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
