apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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