Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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