I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
