I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
