C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
