in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
