Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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