The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
