Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
