drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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