I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
