Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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