How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
