Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
