Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize