i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
