I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
