Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
