Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize