Someone shit on the floor
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
