my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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