I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize