Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
