I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
