drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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