I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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