this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
