Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
