so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
