At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
