Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
