I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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