Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
