My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
