so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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