He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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