If i come over, it means nothing
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
