omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
