Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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