it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
