Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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