I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize