May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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