You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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