nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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