it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
