Fuck appropriateness.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
