it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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