WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
