Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
