peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
