You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
