The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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