these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
