Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize