dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
