I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
