come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
