I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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