God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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