just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
