oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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