I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
