I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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