it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
