it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
not ubering you a puppy
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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