so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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