Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize