can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
