I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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