Old men and throwing up are my life now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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