There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
