I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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